How not to give the child grow the aggressor

What to do with children’s aggressiveness? Can you prevent the anger of the child? The answers to these and other questions we were looking for along with Natalia Preston practicing family and child psychologist, and Tatiana Moiseenkova, child psychologist, therapist, traumatherapie Psychological crisis services.


Absolutely in any situation. Otherwise hysterical reaction of mom and dad that don’t like them, gives rise to aggressive reaction of the child, disagree with it. Note: children’s aggression is not only stamping his feet and waving his fists. Isolation, poor academic performance, resistance to parental (and teacher’s) instructions and requests of tears in response to the comments is also a form of aggression, it’s just not directed at others, and on the child. And she is also a consequence slemani and screams. Autoaggression (when the child is pulling his hair, beating his head against the wall, scolding myself for mistakes, bite the hand or the mouth) requires specialist advice.


Any person (and the child is no exception) wants to “SAG” under it. Because a large number of constraints leads to protests and anger. Increase the number of “no” is gradually trying to reduce them to the essential minimum.

Please note: in the crisis periods of development of the child, 2-3 years, 6-7 years, 11-12 and 14-16 — “no” should be doubly careful and often try to find the compromise. And where this is not possible, giving him the illusion of choice (“do You want to wear a blue or white cap?” instead of “You should wear a hat”).


Ban without explanation is the uncertainty and violence that is an explosive mixture of alarm and anger. Because the parental “no” should always be reasoned. Kids in this case, you should switch to another (allowed) time, and with older children it is useful to find a compromise solution.


With attacks children’s aggression speak the feelings of the child, but without raising the tone, labels and irritation. Something like this: “I see you are angry that I forbid you to play with fire. I understand your anger. But trust me, it’s dangerous, you’ll burn your hands and it hurts.” The child was older: “I know you’re angry that I forbid you to run around in a t-shirt. But you recently recovered from, and this can cause bronchitis. Well, let’s not wear a jacket, but at least a t-shirt”.

First, children do not always understand what happens to them when they are outraged (especially small). Therefore, speaking of their feelings reduces tension. Second, a statement of the parents of the emotions of a child showing him that they understand that they are sensitive to treat it. And it is a pledge of trust to the parents, thanks to that the child will perceive less parental guidance in hostility.


“You have” — a phrase that causes aggression. But there are some less obvious, but no less contentious cases because they contain hidden aggression and the message is “you are guilty”. Namely: “If you don’t do so, I…” (blackmail and threats), “This could only tell you” (insult), “Why so late?” (questioning), “You always do not fulfill promises” (criticism), “Tomorrow we’re going to” (order), “it would be better” (imposition), “look! Someone else does, how are you?” (comparison).


  • Scientists have explained why it is impossible to restrain negative emotions



I feel that I will explode? Breathe deeply while the degree of resentment will subside. Detached now look for the reason why you were prepared to respond to Terry aggressiveness? Awareness of the causes will help you to think and act without aggression. Think about the fact that “rage” you will not escape from the anger and do not change the situation. So whether or stomping feet and waving fists?


However, don’t feel guilty, if you were ready to explode: to be angry is as natural as joy. Another thing is that to Express outrage necessary to calmly and constructively.

If the anger caused by the situation in the past (an hour ago, day, year), and today just was the last straw — think about how you can resolve the issue after the fact.


Thinking up a plan of action, not Psiheya that time has not changed the course of things, the moment still did not return. Meantime, let go of anger after some nice action associated with the movement of your body to work off the adrenaline that is now off the charts, however, get a portion of enjoyment. Can help active play in the outdoors with a child or jog in the company of his beloved dog.