Adoption in Ukraine: how to help the adopted child to adapt to school

In a previous publication of our project “Baby is looking for parents” (Tuesday, July 11) we wrote about the problems in communication and adaptation of the child into a new family. The topic of today’s discussion — adaptation of foster children in school.

music saved. In the family of a 28-year-old Jana Batiuk seven children, six of them adopted. The settlement of belozerskoe, Donetsk region, where a close-knit family, a small, all each other know. According to Jana, her attitude towards the children both at school and in the village are very warm. Although foster Orochi at first, had nothing but trouble.

“From the first garden us very soon, “he asked,” she says. We went to another kindergarten, where educators found the approach to the child, although he felt that he grew tired of it. But I treated this with understanding. And what is interesting: with older Jura relationships do not always add up, and with children — easy! In school, he is now the soul of the class. Of course, he’s a tricky boy, and the school initially was not the most flattering. My former teacher, who took my kids in his class, the first time I called and almost cried: “Come, do something!” Yura could be rude to her and even to call… But we continued to see a therapist and was looking for the boy thing, to redirect his tireless energy. Dance Studio and music school turned out to be exactly what I wanted Yurin the soul: the boy recklessly fell in love with the music! On a birthday he received his own instrument — the accordion. Now he’s the star of the school holidays, and school send for my son some gratitude! Of course, the “explosions” that baby still happen, but it is already possible to agree on cooperation”.

School teachers Ian believes the gold people — it is to each of her children, they show so much care and love that they never felt deprived. Children one after the other the mountain, especially older: a 15-year-old Lena and 12-year-old Violetta watch, that younger did not hurt at school. If someone touches turn into fierce lionesses! “Of course, I’m not perfect — says foster mom. — Sometimes, just manage to get along with so many children. Moreover, some of them with serious diagnoses, it takes a lot of effort… So very grateful to the teachers who sometimes call and kindly advise, make constructive comments. So, by joint efforts, we are raising our children. They have gold!”.

Jura now — soul class! Photo: from personal archive

The adaptation of the adopted child in school, you need at least six months

Marianne Lapin, a psychologist, a specialist in working with foster families:

“Adaptation of the adopted child in the team — a procedure difficult and painful. Many adoptive parents do not send their children to kindergartens, as the power of trombirovanne these kids need time to get used to the family. A school is a real challenge for everyone. Parents should be prepared for the fact that “home” children will not accept yesterday’s orphans. In addition, adoptees often lag behind in intellectual and emotional terms.

Unfortunately, teachers do not want to ignore and blame the parents that those supposedly bad teachers. Often, foster children are hyperactive, they are physically difficult to sit still in one place. The teacher should make allowances for these features and encourage their personal progress, not compliance.

Faced with the children who grew up in the family, adoptees often protected by the usual ways: aggression, lies, physical abuse, or, on the contrary — go away. Therefore, an important condition for the adoption of such child — teacher, which would not impose excessive demands. That teacher (especially in elementary school!) should be a defender, if other parents will blame foster or even demand to remove from the class “inconvenient” child. Therefore, we encourage foster parents to seek teachers.


  • Adoption in Ukraine: how does the formatting of the child in the family and why children ask to go back to the orphanage

WHEN WILL BE THE RESULT. The process of adaptation “foster child” in elementary school lasts at least six months — until, until he will feel safe. Ideally, when this process connects and the management: then all issues are gradually being resolved. The adaptation process is very conducive out-of-school contacts with other children: adoptive mother can invite classmates, thereby showing the child what friendship is. In the orphanage these children are not taught to be friends, there’s every man for himself. Therefore, once in the family, they are trying to “buy” the friendship of peers.

What can a teacher for such a child? At least simple things: during the lesson to come up and put his hand on my shoulder to linger around him for a moment. The child calms down, for it is a sign: take me. Hyperactive children can be given any assignment involving the movement: clean the Board, include in a teacher’s magazine, go to a neighboring classroom for chalk, etc. And most importantly, a teacher must work together parents to fight against the child and against the issue. And understand that sometimes the misbehavior of children is not the result of bad genetics, but a sign of psychological trauma, which can not disappear with a wave of the hand.”

Valeria: “School №49 — the gift of life!”

“Throw this burden and run!” — advised “good people” parents-teachers family-type orphanage Valerie and Alex Zaretsky. From Donetsk they had to leave shortly before the projectile hit in their private home. Valeria with one suitcase and ten children (eight of whom are adopted) arrived in Zaporizhia. Three months the family lived in a boarding house on the island and currently resides in the former building of the kindergarten.

Each of the students has their own sad story, but in the Zaretskiy family they got so much love, that began to happen miracles. But in school… “In Donetsk, the school was just a disaster, — said Valery. — I went to our Egorka in first class. The teacher seems to be experienced, but with a kind of Soviet methods: shouting, commanding tone, insults. But our children are all specific… Egor could fall into a stupor, even from the unexpected question, and it is annoying. No matter how much I talked or told about the peculiarities of the psyche of our children — no arguments the teacher did not accept. From the teacher, his human qualities, our special children affects everything. Attitude cannot be changed by the directives and decrees.”

Even in Donetsk Zaretsky is actively visited “the Club for foster parents”, where you can always find support, get advice, and children were friends among themselves. Actively helped the family of a young girl, a social worker in her personality “scoop” is, fortunately, already had its influence. In contrast to the “experienced” teacher, she loved children and did their work with soul.

“It was heavy adaptation Lena, — continues Valery. — She’s a mulatto, was born in a prison at a very young mum came to us 12-year-old. Because of the color of her skin hurt everywhere, teased. And the nature of the girl was not sugar: ambition and conceit, apparently, served as a protection from the world. And then there’s class teacher to all parents of classmates told me, saying that she was born in prison, what do you want… We understand that the girl needs to make the leap act, to have accepted it. And when at a school show the class sang “Darkie”, Lena suggested that the role of the heroine of the song. We made her custom made elegant Gypsy dress, luxurious black hair were burning rose — Lena going out and playing with flounced skirts and danced. It was a sensation! Since then she has felt more confident, and relationships with peers have changed. After school I decided to study to be a nurse. But I said, “You dreamed about the stage, at least try!” Of the week, we have prepared a program, and our Lena is a student in the drama!”.

Another Lena, an orphaned shortly before the war, came to the family of 17-year-old. In 11th grade she came with a ” C ” student, which was never given study. And for the year, thanks to the persistence of adoptive parents, has become almost a straight a student! Doing itself, and with Tutors, eventually enrolled in the Comfortable Academy the budget. Now she is one of the best students of this University, a future speech therapist.

Zaporizhzhya school №49 is the real gift of fate to Zaretsky. Seven children Valerie took the teachers and children. “I have a direct link with sauces — all issues are resolved quickly — not appreciate foster mom. — Children do well at school, go to clubs, get along well with classmates. For us it is a great happiness!”.

Friendly Zaretsky. The kids just love mom Valerie!

Alla Kornienko: “For 7 years in the family hit 8773 child, many of the diagnoses”

In the joint project “” and portal “say no to Orphanhood” we talk about foster families in which the parents-educators show the real heroism, changing the lives of children, and sometimes literally saving them. We believe that through our publications, someone made the decision to adopt a child. That you need to know before you adopt a little person, we were told the editor of the portal Alla Kornienko.

Alla, during our collaboration, we saw what a great job you are doing. What would you like to wish to future adoptive parents?

— The family that decided to take the child from institutional care, needs to be prepared for it morally, emotionally, and financially. If there are problems in any of these components, you need to think a thousand times. Alas, the return of the child occurs most often because people succumbed to the emotional impulse, not thinking about it. I would suggest you carefully read the history of the site of “no to Orphancy!”, to prepare for the arrival in the family of the little man. The only way to prevent treachery, which for a kid is not from his new parents. In the families of heroes of publications of our joint project are the children who were refused more than once, and it was a real tragedy. In seven years of existence of the portal in the family hit 8773 child.

So many changed children’s destinies!

— Yes, many children adoptive parents literally save. Many kids have serious diagnoses, which, in fact, they sometimes leave home… the Adoptive parents have to deal with medical tape, and gossip. But what happiness to see the baby that said, “He’s not long”, happy and healthy!

— What are the results of the project “Mentoring”?

— Rinat Akhmetov’s Foundation helps to ensure that children gained the support of adults. This was the purpose of the pilot project of our portal — “Mentoring”. It was attended by 77 children from residential care institutions of Mariupol and Svjatogorsk. It was group activities for socialization and guidance. We prepared 107 mentors, of which 43 are already working with clients. Children become more confident, open to communication, many have a hobby. A recently published government decree on the introduction of mentoring across the country.

Alla Kornienko. Advises make the decision carefully. Photo: from personal archive

I’m waiting for you, mom and dad!
Alena: “my Family is my biggest dream!”

Alena is originally from Donetsk, she was 15 years old. The girl is simply unique! “Alena is very kind and caring, shares the teacher. — Loves to mess with kids, touching and taking care of them. Hardworking and careful, very communicative. Training is given to Alenka not easy, but she is incredibly diligent. Stung by the injustice, she strives to be honest in all things”.

Alena is another important trait is non — conflictual. She also knows how to find approach to any person.

“I love dancing, playing vocals and embroidery — says the girl. — However, in the future would like to become a chef. It’s so lovely to have a tasty feed people! But the most cherished dream — a family that will love me as your own child, to understand and to accept.”

Well, dreams come true if something really want. Believe that in Ukraine there are parents who will see Alenka, my daughter and helping her pursue her aspirations.

Alena. Wants a tasty feed people

Gregory: “I Want to take care of me”

Grisha — 13 years old, he is sober and serious boy. “Family for me is the people who will protect, to pay attention, to help with their homework and to talk to me, — confessed the teenager. It is important to me to feel that care about me. Now the only person with whom I can communicate my caregiver. I would love to have a father, mother, brothers and sisters”.

Gregory is very sociable. Enjoys drawing pen anime and 3D graffiti. Loves to dream and their imagination embodies in the images. Wants to be a commando and a parachute jump. Have Gregory and another dream: to buy a guitar and go to music school.

I really hope that thanks to the portal “say no to Orphanhood!” on this good boy will pay attention to the potential parents.

Future commando. Likes to draw graffiti

Faith, Anne-Marie and Diana: friendly sisters

Sisters live in one of the residential care institutions of Kyiv. They are very sociable and friendly, each other are the mountain. “They are very different, says a specialist working with the girls. — Diana — hot-headed, ignited in a moment, but quickly lose interest in started. Anna-Maria — sensible, hard-working, I call her trudaine. And Vera is a little Shiloh! Very active and curious, a kind of photo gallery.
Girly love outdoor games: ball, skipping ropes, the good old “classics.” Keen to play in “mothers and daughters”, “kitchen” and “hospital.” Really looking forward to a loving mum and dad and the family believe real happiness.

Suns. Girls love to play “kitchen” and “hospital”

Yaroslav: loves sculpting, drawing and cars

5-year-old Âroslavčik — real agile: moving, emotional and sincere. He loves to chat with friends, willingly helps adults. Happily sculpts, draws, collects designer, loves cars. “The boy is a little behind in development. But hyperactive. And a loving family will definitely catch up with peers,” said the teacher.

Agile. Like all boys, loves cars