How the offense affects the human body and how to learn to forgive: the advice of psychologists

Failed close friend, left the beloved person, the employee did not fulfill the promise, and here knocking on the door of resentment. But for some, this feeling becomes the impetus for change and stimulates change and evolve, and someone turns it into the meaning of life — and people literally relishes his distress, reinforcing a sense of guilt from the offender.

According to psychologists, the offense is always the result of unrealistic expectations, a sense that a person was wronged. But the concept of justice among people differ, is that the offender does not even know what caused someone such strong feelings. At this time we are offended all the more by not being reimbursed. As a result — there are health problems: muscle spasms and clamps that make our lives even sadder.

How to break this cycle and what techniques will help most eco-friendly to cope with the offense, we were told the experts: Elena Seminskaya, psychologist-psychotherapist, a member of the South-Ukrainian psychoanalytic community, and Yulia Kuleshova, crisis psychologist, family counselor, member of the Ukrainian Union of psychotherapists.


In recent times, there are many positivist and esoteric movements that claim that you should avoid any expression of negative feelings or emotions. Need to think only positive — otherwise, the universe believes your negative in life comes a black stripe. And that resentment did not poison your positive attitude, you need to get rid of them by using affirmations and other such techniques of positive thinking. But the effect of such work is usually short-lived.

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“These technology — populist rather than psychological, says Julia Kuleshova. The problem is polished on the surface, and resentment gets in deeper layers. You think you all have forgiven and love the world, but really fundamentally nothing has changed. And internal discomfort through time back again”.

Unnecessary or wrong feelings and emotions do not exist, they are all about something honking man. Resentment — the feeling that you want to live, not to deny it. And to really forgive, you have to allow yourself to take all occurring in the offense of emotions: anger, pain, disappointment, sadness, fear, guilt. Only after this range and in admitting to myself the real reason for the resentment, let go of a difficult situation to benefit from it, how important life lesson, and move on.

Make. Unnecessary emotions is not the case — they are all necessary and important


Resentment is in close conjunction with hormonal reactions. “Blood aktiviziruyutsya hormones melatonin, cortisol and norepinephrine that cause on a bodily level clamps, cramps and pain,” explains Elena Seminskaya. This mechanism will cause long lasting resentment to physical diseases. To avoid complications, spread offense into components with a special three-step methodology.

1. Realize his unfulfilled desire: what he wanted, but not true? When we can’t get what you want, subconsciously offended by the world/life/loved ones. Once you understand the desires, you can choose two ways:

  • to achieve the goal;
  • to accept the situation in its unreality.

2. Choosing the second path and realizing the idealistic nature of desire, allow yourself to experience the grief. For this it is best to stay in the dark alone, to give vent to tears. It will give an incentive to melatonin, the hormone of sadness and sleep, to participate in the production of serotonin — the hormone of happiness. They are connected, and that’s why, cry it out, we feel relief.

3. Now get angry. Mad she is always there and watching over her hormones cortisol and norepinephrine. Safely get rid of destructive effects of anger in several ways:

  • physical activities: to kick something, to beat (e.g. a pillow), push-UPS, squat, to do the cleaning;
  • through corporal practices: knead clay, tear paper or cloth;
  • to write a letter of resentment, expressing the emotions that you are overcome.


The best cure for resentment — a apology. But if this tool is not available, will help effective writing technique.

1. Take a pen and paper.

2. Write the abuser a letter, and tell about their feelings.

3. Use I-messages:

  • I’m mad at you because…
  • I resent you because…

4. In response write myself a letter on behalf of the offender, words that I would like to hear from him. Our imagination is boundless: this letter will allow you to experience positive emotions, and resentment will no longer poison your life.