Start with the question: do you know how to listen for real? How much on a scale from 1 to 10 do you assess this ability? Now that you have answered this question, I recommend to ask your partner how you are right in their assessments.
Now we are talking about couple relationships, but using these recommendations you are able to any relationship, the quality of which leaves much to be desired.
Why are there so many problems in the relationship? Why in the world are so many separations and divorces? Because most people do not know the art of true communication.
Communication, which is essential to any relationship must begin with listening. If you know how to listen, you find it easier to communicate and to feel something common that is shared with another person.
When your partner says something to you, you just need to listen to him. If he asked no questions, never asks for your opinion, stop there! If a man says, “Oh, today was a great day! I’m so proud of you!”, and his wife adds: “it would be nice if you were always in this mood, and not curse his boss,” we see that the woman lacked the simple skill of hearing your partner! Let’s just say she listened to my ego and not my husband.
Of course, there are times when your partner shares something and you feel that he needs help, even if he about it asks. For example, a wife says to her husband: “You all the time, because of your work I have to deal with the economy itself”. If her husband is able to listen, he will hear that she didn’t ask and didn’t ask, and to find out why she says to him, he would have been asked to Express their thoughts more precisely, explaining that she has in mind. This is much easier than in response to lash out with words, influenced by their own ego: “And I? You think I’m at work doing nothing? I go to work just for you!!!”
Many people do not know how to clearly formulate questions or refer to the clear requests for help. Often we think the other person needs to guess about what we wanted to say to him, what said nothing!
Often we do not know how to refuse and get angry when I wanted to say no, but couldn’t. And Yes, sometimes we have no desire to listen to their partner, but instead, to be honest, we are angry and still listen to. Emotions destroy relationships.
Also destroys the relationship inability to negotiate and expectations, which we picture to ourselves without any of the agreements with our partner.
Here are three tips I can give to readers:
1. Never jump to conclusions. If you answer too quickly, confident that you already understand everything, you can be assured that, most likely, your interlocutor had in mind is quite different. This means that instead of having to listen to the interlocutor, you listen to your ego too smart.
2. If you want to learn how to listen (that is, to know that the other person really wanted to tell you), you need to check with him if you have understood, before making any hasty conclusions and to answer questions that were not asked.
3. Never start talking about yourself when your partner tells you about their problems. This is a trap from which it is difficult to get out: your partner can be sure that you do not care!
Liz Burbo — the man is a legend in the field of personal growth, writer, philosopher, coach, founder of the school “Listen to your body”, the author of the complete book on the metaphysics of diseases and of unique techniques for personal development.
LIZ BURBO in Kiev:
March 9 – your body Language code of love
March 10-12 – Listen to your soul
March 14-15 – Five injuries of the soul
Details on the website: http://ateliers.listentoyourbody-kiev.com
Translation: Iya Zaitsev