How to make peace with each other, if you can’t forgive him: advice of the therapist

If you have been ready to make peace with each other, but worried that he is not ready for a step back, or your impulse still occurs at the throat of pride, then tomorrow is a great excuse and a means to finally end the fight. Because tomorrow is the day of friends. So, to say “no more fight” will be easier.

To make reconciliation probably took place, follow the advice of our expert — Tatyana Mikheenko, independent psychologist of the highest category therapist.

“Before you visit a friend obrashaite this fact: we attach particular importance to the flaws in man, which actually is in us, — says the expert. We like in a mirror, see our own vices, and this “mirror” annoys us. So that during reconciliation to achieve constructive and not to reach a new level of discontent with each other, examine that in the “display” made you angry, and tomorrow’s talk don’t let old emotions”. So…


First of all, hand the other a conciliatory gift.

Further, do not rush to explain what actually you expect from a friend the day of the accident. Please tell us about your feelings, which then caused the incident. Always without reproach! For example, using such phrases as: “I am sorry that I never got to understand”, “I’m afraid to lose our confidence in each other,” “I’d be glad that nothing came between us.” Now tell me, what did you expect other then what his actions count now. Again — no complaints. Just the facts.

Now apologize. And admit it, how dear to you your friend and your years of friendship.

Is the beginning of reconciliation must reduce the internal resistance of each mutual forgiveness. And in the next stage of the conversation, he will participate more willingly.


Now when a friend heard what you want from him, do not demand immediate agreement with your position, and don’t even try to pull out of his response to the revelations and apology. Just move it to ensure that he agreed with the fact that your former offense was not pointless.

To do this specify him three questions — and so that you can only answer “Yes”. In this case two questions should not be about your needs, and the desires/promises of the other. Only once again: no sarcastic words and tone! Operate exclusively with facts. In the end, then when you fight you weren’t “all in white”, do not forget about it. And only the third question — about what you want your friend agreed. Especially this “interview” will help you out if your friend is silent, he just will be forced to participate in the compromise.

Say you are working in one area, and then the other, fell out due to your luck. 1. “Look, you said you’d be happy if I succeed?”. 2. “And we agreed that you would help me to understand the intricacies of my new job?”. 3.”Then let’s rule out of our relationships jealousy, and let all jealous of our team spirit?”.

Or, for example, the subject of quarrel was a difference of views on your child’s behavior, and the scene you made in front of the kids. But beginning the conversation is a terrible friend. 1.”I remember you said how many kids, so many methods of education?”. 2. “Don’t you agree for your child you are the best mom?”. 3. “Let’s share Maskim experience without mutual accusations and claims and only tete-a-tete?”.


And only now you can expect from each other an apology — because you have already said “sorry”; open but no emotion made it clear to him his position; in no way accused. It can not melt his heart. Left a bit — to bring him to this decision. And for this you need the following items.

1. Agree with the position of the other, if he managed to this point her voice. Or alleged — in that particular case and in General. Friends even during a quarrel and are mutually deaf, really know what each other wants, then, they are friends.

2. Let me know that you share his feelings that caused the then conversation.

3. Ask clarifying questions — to understand the conditions under which each is willing to absolute reconciliation.
For example: 1. “You’re in something (or largely) was right. And Yes, you’re right, I was angry. Generally anger me too bear, and I can say this, than a priori, he does not agree”. 2. “I easily appeased, after a short time ready to dialogue and I am very sorry about what he did. But I can imagine how you feel dealing with such a psychopath (hang on, unflattering label only if fighting is your friend called you so). I imagine you’re bitter and want to shoot me. I understand that during an argument do you expect my immediate apology — because, of course, is that we bite, to blame may not be just you.” 3. “What can I do to make you believe me? Tell me how to fix it?”.

After that, the other necessarily conciliatory patted you on the shoulder, lend a hand for a handshake (in the case of the friend — hug you), let me hasten to apologize and to respond to you the revelations of not less warm and sincere format. Unless of course he is your true friend.