The end of the school year, the national children’s hotline “La Strada Ukraine” noted the transition to the new free number 116 111.
“This is the European harmonized number for children hotline, which is unified and operates in 26 European countries, — said Vice-President of the NGO “La Strada-Ukraine” Olga Kalashnik. Thanks to the National Commission on gasregulating in the field of communication and information of the Ukrainian Association of communication operators “Telas”, and operators “Kyivstar” and Lifecell this number forwards the call to the country where it is currently called.
For example, the child of Spain has arrived in Ukraine, gaining 116 111 and you will get into Ukrainian hot line, whereas in Spain it room Spanish hotline. This is a huge step forward, because the number of calls increases each year. If in 2014 we received 18,5 thousand calls, and by 2017-mu — more than 45 thousand. The national children’s hotline has become a serious resource to help children and adults”.
The hotline is confidential and allows you to see the true problems facing today’s children, “Today” has found that troubled young Ukrainians in this academic year.
FROM THE DEADLY “WHALE” AND “FAIRIES” HELP CONSTANT COMMUNICATION
“I’m very scared. I don’t know what to do. I was going to die. Do you understand? Die! Soon. And I’m so scared. But even worse than the fact that nothing can change. If I refuse to die, they will kill my little brother and mom. I’m scared. Now I know I don’t want to die, do not want to hurt yourself. But nothing can be changed. I love my mother and brother” (girl, 16 years).
The focus of this academic year was the theme of deadly quests “the Blue whale”, “Wake me up at 4:20”.
“In fact, the first calls we received in late spring 2016, — says the coordinator of child line Alena Krivolak. — When I called the child and said that he was afraid to commit suicide. Then all the efforts of our psychologists was intended to dissuade him from suicide. We still knew nothing about quests and did not attach importance to the fact that he was talking about some game “Blue whale”. But since then, the calls became more and more. We began to learn more, learned more and children. After the deaths in Mariupol (December, 2016 15-year-old girl jumped from the 13th floor. — Ed.) there was a lull, but after a month of calls on this topic went again. Often the hotline called us friends of children participating in the quest, and asked how to save a friend. Many calls were from parents who saw the children of these drawings or some cuts, similar to whales; complained about the change of mood in offspring. Rarely called themselves participants of the quest: was told that it all started because “everyone said” and “was just wondering” — a reason for the participation was voiced by 90% of the caller. First child tighten interest, then take the dare, then blackmailed and intimidated. The kids say that out of this group almost does not work: curators know personal information, who are the parents and home address. And some jobs — it is, in fact, compromising for example, to send a “naked” photo. Then already starts manipulation: if you do not do the job, this is a photo tomorrow sees the whole school. The child becomes afraid. In the end, he loses his “I” lives only in the present — day “fiftieth”.
There are similar quests for children up to 12 years. They are called “Quest Winx Fairies”, “the Quest of the Pink fairies”. The name is “catchy” because every girl dream to be beautiful and kind fairy. This game is also available on tablets and computers. Seemingly harmless fairy, right? This kind of quest. Children are convinced that it’s all a big secret that you cannot tell an adult. The quest starts with a harmless assignment: “Come to the window, look down and describe what you see”. And the last task: “You have to Wake up at night when all sleep, around your bed three times, read a special spell, then go to the kitchen, turn on gas burners without matches so I don’t singe your wings, and go to bed, never telling. And in the morning you’ll be a fairy”.
Feechka. Dangerous game for the youngest
WHAT TO DO. Here it is necessary to pay special attention parents: bans will not solve the problem. The curators of these quests became too much, and, sooner or later, they will be included in other social networks.
“According to our legislation, any information from social networks is not evidence in the trial. We generally never prescribed punishment for bringing a person to suicide with the help of information and communication technologies”, — says the lawyer of “La Strada Ukraine” Inna Sotnichenko. “The motive to engage in supervision — most of the money (if you have a group of more than 5000 subscribers, you get money for it from social networks) — adds Alena Krivolak. — Furthermore, this is a quick way to pushing your way, and let the “fake” and “play God”. In an interview with themselves “curators” say that they “reach the level of God, can dispose of other people’s lives. You can tell when and what to do, and completely his to control.”
How to help a child who became a party to quest? It should be constantly maintained. Those who dare to call and tell us we are talking primarily about the strength of their spirit that they overcame the fear and decided to ask for help. What can and should tell an adult about what’s going on with you. No matter how upset the parents, your suicide they just will not survive — it will be the greatest sorrow in their life. Better now to tell us what happened, and ask for protection. Yes, you should be ready that parents will be angry. But this is only from fear that they might lose you! The important thing is that you’re alive and will live!
Parents we urge primarily not to abuse the child. Off the Internet won’t work either. The task of the adult — to be close to the child. Even if a teenager has become withdrawn, or, conversely, very aggressive, and shouted: “Leave me alone or I’ll leave home” — to leave it is impossible. You need to learn to talk, to look for approaches, General topics and gradually build a relationship of trust. Hug, and if not given — just ask to sit. Be patient: trust is built slowly. But the best way to save the child to be his friend. The child knew that there is always mom (dad, etc.) that will help me to get out of it”.
RELAX TOO EARLY
At the moment the social network “Vkontakte”, which also spread deadly quest “Blue whales”, are blocked. “We get a lot of angry phone calls children — why shut down the VC and when it will open again, — say the specialists of “La Strada Ukraine”. — Children are looking for special programs and manage again to go there. Despite the closure, the action of the quests are the “Blue whales” (incitement to suicide) is ongoing and too early to relax. We prepare manuals for teachers and parents — how to speak with children who were participants in a deadly quest”.
SCARRING AND “DOG HIGH”
“Help, please, even you. Daughter 15. In her class the girls are scarring. I saw cut her daughter’s hands and said if she would engage in such nonsense, I’ll close it at home and translate in individual training. To which she replied that all goes out of the house. What do I do? She is blackmailing me”.
“The results of our hotline, the tendency to decorate themselves with scars popular among teenage girls across the territory of Ukraine, — says the coordinator of children’s “hot line” La Strada-Ukraine Alena Krivolak. Most often on this subject we call teachers or parents. They say that their students/children with sharp implements — scalpels, knives, blades and even scissors — make your body in different drawings. There were calls from teachers who are horrified reported that during a class a girl was doing a scarification on my arm. The comments of the teacher, the girl did not react because it has not been clear what to do in the first place: to call an ambulance, the police lead her to the Director?
The children explain the scarring is “cooler” than a tattoo, because it is not applied with paint, and blood. And then it grows, and can make new. It’s scary, but alas, they’re real, they’re teenagers. When we are dealing with teenagers and are interested in why they do it, they say that this is an opportunity to stand out, be different. Some girls do it to attract the attention of the boys — supposedly those girls who chromium look older, and the boys see that it is all so bold and Mature.
The scars to stand out
In addition to scarring, among children 9-12 years popular trend of “pain”, which came to us from the 90’s. Among the ways — “dog high”: strangling his neck with the scarf, or when another person at your request puts pressure on the ribcage. The goal, with the loss of consciousness “to get into the astral plane” or “another world”. Among children, there is a perception that “if you have not tried a “dog rush”, you loser.” And often say that those who own “dog high” is not experienced.
Children play in the “dog high”
WHAT TO DO. We all say that we need to look for the cause of what is happening. This requires a Frank conversation without yelling, accusations and ultimatums. This conversation needs to beat the quiet and as calm as possible, because you need to have patience and possibly Valerian. If the child says he/she “just likes to hurt” — this is a sign that you need to go to a psychologist. If the reason is that the child wants to stand out or to please someone, offer options: to buy new clothes, new haircut. Want purple streaks — agree! Be patient half a year, so this color will become bored and it will dye normal. Give your child the opportunity to stand out, without harming yourself.”
THE NERVES OF THE TEACHERS AND ACCUSATIONS MOM
“I was 9 years old. I have a best friend Natasha. Today we had a huge fight because I got on my math test 11, and Natasha — 9. Now she doesn’t want me to talk. I wanted to make up with her, but she is not reconciled. I again become the best of friends? How to explain that evaluation should not affect our friendship?”
“I am 8 years old. In my class there’s a boy Fedor, he is excellent. I am also trying very hard to learn, but I don’t always succeed. Mom says it’s because I’m “restless”. And how — “restless”? Can you help me to do so I began to study is better than Fedor”.
A lot of problems — in the relationship of children with each other and with adults. “Big and common mistake that parents and teachers comparing children with someone else — sure, the coordinator of child line Alena Krivolak. — Guys, we say that they are great lads, just trying to solve the problem. For those who want to learn better, explain that the school is a kind of work, and assessment of salary. Increased number of calls about bullying (violence) in school. Children complain that teachers nerves, they may even hit the child head on the Board! Conflicts happen more often with teachers of older age, we are talking here about the emotional burnout. And this trend is increasing, as the youth teachers do not tear.”
A way to “yell” problems
“HELP! BLACKMAILING ME”
“I have a very big problem, please help, I’m being blackmailed! I have a dysfunctional family. My parents always drink, no money. It came to pass that three days I drank water because there was just nothing.
That though as-that to survive, I went to a night club in our town and became a stripper. The Director initially did not want me to go because I was underage. But I asked him, because I knew strippers here get the biggest salary. And I had a whole family to feed. The Director agreed but made me promise I won’t tell anyone that I’m 16. I began to work and earn money. Then the Manager offered me more money if I provide sexual services to men. I agreed and now six months living this nightmare. I recently met a guy I want to quit this job but is blackmailing the Director says he’ll tell everyone what I was doing”.
“Often children from disadvantaged families think that everything that happens to them is normal. And this is the worst, says Alain Krivolak. They didn’t know any better. In this case, the boy was scared, and she continued to work. Because the first thing we had to calm her down and convince that if she decided to quit, no one can point and make. And the Director himself will tell you: it is a matter for the courts, and in his interest to hush up. We also urged her to report it to law enforcement, you could soon be another girl.”
“Work of a minor child should be easy, part-time,
it should be the parents ‘ permission, and certainly work should be appropriate to the age — says the lawyer of “La Strada Ukraine” Inna Sotnichenko. — Club Director could get her to wash the dishes and clean, but not Stripping, and not to provide sex. At this stage, the Director has paid the penalty that he did not have the permission of the girl’s parents. The case is stuck because of the lack of evidence of sexual violence.”