What to expect from meeting Donald trump and Vladimir Putin at the G20 summit

Scene: a room for private meetings, Hamburg

Vladimir Putin: “Donald! As well, we meet again!”

Donald trump: “I don’t know who You are, and You never never met before, not know your name, and never about You heard nothing, and anyway this is our first meeting, and I don’t know who You are”.

Vladimir Putin: “Well, Donald, very convincing. But don’t worry, we have a private meeting. How are you?”

Donald trump: “I am with You never met, don’t know who You are, You never heard nothing, and when I said I met with You I meant absolutely another, and, anyway, I never said that and You didn’t meet with my representatives and does not falsify the elections, and if it was, I know nothing about it, but You didn’t do it, so it’s all right, but if it was, I knew nothing, and if you still do, then all is well, and in any case, I have no idea about this”.

Vladimir Putin: “Of Course, Donald. We perfectly understand each other. Now let’s get down to business. We need to discuss the glorious future of relations between America and Russia.”

Donald trump: “I don’t know who You are, never met You, I don’t know where it is, I don’t know what it is, and in General, what Russia is, maybe it’s a drink or breed of dog, or some kind of hat, or maybe a car, and I never heard about Russia, so maybe You can tell me what it is and how to treat it, and then I never heard Yes, and You never in my eyes have not seen and know-I do not know who You are”.

Vladimir Putin: “I Ask you, Donald. Relax. Don’t be afraid. There are no records of our conversation. Except, well, you know who.”

Donald trump: “I don’t know anything about any records, no records, and no record, I have never ordered those virgins, and they didn’t do nothing wrong with me, and it was not, and I do not like it all”.

Vladimir Putin: “Of Course, Donald. Even don’t worry about it. Now tell me, how’s it going with the FBI?”

Donald trump: “I don’t know who You are, but the FBI definitely lying, they know I’m innocent and trying to undermine the President of America, and I know what they are trying to undermine the President of America, because they are in collusion with Russia, because the FBI — traitors, and I am an American patriot and the FBI — traitors, FBI, liars, the FBI needs to go to jail”.

Vladimir Putin: “Well, Donald. I still feel that you’re still a little excited. Maybe it’s not the best time for conversation. Let’s go back to the company of other leaders.”

Donald trump: “it Was very nice meeting You for the first time, because before I would never have met, send a big Hello from me Canada or England, or Japan, or Brazil, or New Zealand, or Indonesia, or Kenya, or Narnia, from what You’re there country, because I don’t know what country You are from, I myself have never been there, and my representatives, they too have never been there, nor there, nor anywhere else, and never had it at all”.

Vladimir Putin: “Thank You, Donald. Will call you tomorrow at the usual time.”