How to fight

Conflicts in the family can cause great harm to the relationship. And they adversely affect your health, writes “Home”.

It would be great if we could solve all family conflicts peacefully, with a cool head and a sober mind! But, alas, it was the closest people sometimes bring us to a white heat. And it can be very dangerous to your health.

Alarm bells

If you during an argument you feel how the blood rushed to his face, and my heart was start to beat faster, know it’s time to stop! Scientists from Seattle, Julie and John Gottman, for 20 years watching couples and came to the conclusion that those spouses who are in disputes moving to scream and abuse, have greater risk of cardiovascular disease. At the time, when you shout at her husband, your heart rate exceeds 100 beats per minute, while in a calm state it ranges from 60 to 90 beats. Frequent quarrels provoked a constant increase in heart rate, and such stress can not pass without consequences for heart health!

In addition, family scandals provoke back pain. Scientists suspect that this is due to the increased tension in the upper body during high-profile conflicts.

In order not to expose their health to danger, learn to control himself during a family quarrel. This will benefit not only relationships, but also your heart!

A signal to stop

Agree with husband that, no matter how you were angry at each other, a certain signal, for example, cotton, will immediately stop the fight.

As soon as you feel flushed, heart was pounding more than usual, clap your hands. This signal should break up with her husband to different rooms to cool slightly. Return to the discussion of exciting topics in about 30 minutes: this time is usually enough to bring the nerves in order.

And here’s what not to do is to gloss over the conflict situation and ban disputes. Suppressed negative emotions harmful to health, no less than their open expression. Be sure to discuss contentious issues, but calmly, without shouting and swearing. Yes, it’s not as easy as it seems, but still you can learn it!

A chance at understanding

So you went and calmed down a bit. You may have done breathing exercises, washed with cold water, did a head massage and neck or a little complex of physical exercises. These methods are perfectly relieve stress and help environmentally friendly to dump the negative.

Now is the time to return to the question that you can’t with your husband to decide. Almost any dispute can be resolved, if we talk about their own feelings, not the actions of a partner. That is, instead of saying: “You are a fool!”, say, “I think you’re a complete fool.” The difference is small, but it will soften a statement and allow your partner to start a dialogue, and not rush into battle with you.

Then tell me why you have formed this opinion: “I think you’re a fool because you offer what I think is stupid.” The following phrase – articulating your expectations: “I would like you to listen to my opinion and realized that my proposal is sensible”.

Such a simple technique of “word about his feelings – explanation of his feelings – offer-what to do” works well in family disputes. However, required is the ability to listen to the arguments of the partner, not interrupting, even if you disagree with them.