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You’re a teenager. Your peers fall in love with classmates and adults. And you dream about having sex with little boys. What will you do?
What are you talking about?
· Timo (Timo) and Nestori (Nestori) − pedophiles who don’t want to be charged of sexual molestation. They do not want to cause harm to children.
· According to police, none of them have committed offences of a sexual nature. However, this does not necessarily mean that none of them touched the child. Most of the sexual crimes against young children not be brought to the attention of the police.
· Timo and Nestori want pedophiles to carry out preventive therapy.
· The names of the men in the article changed.
Timo looks straight in the eyes, sitting on the edge of his chair and quickly said. It knitted shirt and pants with pockets.
We meet him at a reception at his therapist. Timo nervous.
This is the third time he tells someone that he’s a pedophile.
“If anyone found out — friends, acquaintances or relatives — all would be turned away from me. And someone probably would want to kill me”.
Timo was in high school, when he realized that his interest in children. He was interested in younger boys his age, or rather of 10-13 years. Although he grew up, his sexual interests were not varied. Timo thought he was a monster.
“I hated myself and was afraid I’d hurt the baby.”
Timo vygledit like an ordinary 35-year-old man. He says that in College and working. More he did not want to talk about my life. We came to speak only about what you don’t normally say.
“I’d rather kill myself”
Many pedophiles realize the obvious fact that sex of an adult with a child is traumatic and dangerous for the baby. But a pedophile is not necessarily dangerous for the child as every heterosexual man is not necessarily dangerous to women.
For many years Timo was afraid to commit a sexual crime. He had obsessive fantasies about raping little boys, and he thought about committing suicide. And, finally, he decided to inflict self-injury.
“I took a knife and tried to cut himself, but failed to inflict even a small scratch. I thought I’d rather kill myself than hurt a child. But how am I going to kill myself, even if scratch could not? Then I began to look for help.”
Sexual interest of pedophiles in most cases are aimed at children of younger teenage age.
Like Timo, the vast majority of pedophiles are men. 1-5% of adult men regularly imagine sex with children. Thus, in a country the size of Finland can, with high probability, to accommodate tens of thousands of pedophiles.
The EU requires the country members to provide preventive care to people who are at risk of committing a sexual offence against a child or a minor. However, in Finland the public sector is not providing such services.
In Finland outside the prison, the pedophile can get help in the Sexpo Foundation. Timo found a therapist through Sexpo. The result of five years of psychotherapy became confident Timo that it is not dangerous for children. The result of therapy is the fact that in conversation, he uses such expressions as “the tendency to pedophilia,” “sexuality, aimed at children” and “sexual act”.
Program STOP existing in the prison of the Finnish city Riihimaki designed to prevent the recurrence of sexual crimes. Those who participate in this program, the worst has already happened.
Most of the costs for providing therapy to Timo paid for itself. He had the money for it, and he lives not too far from good people. However, this treatment is not everyone can afford.
“Would not dare to do anything illegal”
Nestori — 39-year-old shyly smiling man. He is very concerned that he did not know. We meet him in a large busy hotel four months after it first exchanged e-mail messages. Nestori, dressed for summer in t-shirt, shorts and sandals. First, it is difficult to find words to answer questions about his life. Sentences break in the middle, eyes wandering the walls.
Same as Timo, Nestori noticed a propensity for pedophilia in adolescence, but unlike Timo, his fantasies were not associated with images of violence.
“In the 90s, I fell in love with one of the child actor. The feeling of love was haunted, every day I thought about it. And in the evening in bed, I dreamed that he was next to me. It was definitely love, not just sexual passion. In principle, it would be perfectly all right, if it was not about the child.”
In the school years Nestori talked with a psychologist. He wanted to know why he was so interested in children, and is there a danger that someday it will turn into a rapist. The psychologist, however, there was no answer. Nestori, said that it was very important to speak with someone different from him. But the question seemed strange psychologist.
“The conversation kept coming back to that if I want to confess something. Prejudices become an obstacle”.
According to Nestore, the staff in most cases can’t help pedophiles. Therefore, Nestori pours out his thoughts in his blog and chat room for pedophiles. In an anonymous group, established in the Tor network, discusses sexual feelings that cause children. To child porn and sexual relations with children are cold.
Nestori, answers questions about his sexuality briefly and after careful deliberation. He says that he does not consider a sexual relationship with an adult and child is necessarily wrong. According to Nestore, 14-year-old understands a lot about sex. However, he was interested in younger girls, ages 7-12.
“What would be considered normal? Much depends on the age. If the child itself takes the initiative, he probably wants to try something. If it isn’t what he imagined, then you have to stop”.
Nestori of stresses that would never have dared to do something illegal. After the interview, he says in an email that he believes that “anything that is called sex, would not be considered acceptable” with those over whom he is interested.
Most of my friends, Nestori pedophiles, whom he had met online. Timo also avoids companies of their kind.
“Once I read that pedophiles commit gang rape. I was afraid that familiarity with them will lower the threshold of violence”.
Death threats and calls to commit suicide
According to Nestore, the objective of a blog is to spread real information about pedophilia. In addition to the scientific information and documents, Nestori demonstrates in his video blog about the children’s song contests. There is therefore nothing surprising in the fact that the feelings of some readers is heating up. Often, Nestore gets aggressive responses.
“In a network often there are are people who do not want to understand what was going on,” says Nestore.
In recent years, several articles have expressed demands for stricter punishment for sex offenders against children. The prevention of crimes with the same fervor is not required.
Nestori hesitant to give long interviews, because he can not be sure that the request for interview is a journalist, not “some Parantainen”. Internet activist from the town of Äänekoski, Mikko Parantainen (Mikko Parantainen) is known in Finland as “a hunter of pedophiles”.
Parantainen was one of the founders of the group called “the Names of convicted PEDOPHILES pass here” (Tuomittujen PEDOFIILIEN tänne nimet) in Facebook, but now he is not. The group consists of 7 thousand people, and in keeping with the title, its aim is to publish the names and photographs of Finns convicted of sexual crimes against children. Page group threatening accused of violence. Some comments require the imposition of the death penalty against rapists
.
Another group in Facebook called “In defense of paedophiles” (Pedofiilien puolesta) has a different opinion. Its members want to “pedophiles had the opportunity of preventive support”, and that the pedophiles were treated more neutral. In the group of 300 people. Against anonymous administrators, this page receives a lot of threats of violence and calls for “taking care of the pedophiles” suicide, despite the fact that the group condemns child porn and child abuse.
In Finland for two years there is a discussion of a program of preventive care to pedophiles. In the program called “Stop time” (Estä ajoissa) are involved in the Sexpo Foundation, the Turku University Foundation of criminology and the organization “save the Children”. But the program still receives funding.
“The issue is very important from the point of view of the protection of children, so the situation is, of course, disturbing. The topic is difficult, and funding has failed to materialize,” − said the Chairman of the Board of Sexpo.Tuomas Harviainen (J. Tuomas Harviainen).
The aim of the project “Stop time” to create in Finland a wide network of support, which could prevent sexual crimes against children. The project is created in the likeness of the German Dunkelfeld project, which managed to successfully prevent sexual crimes. In Germany the state is funding the project since 2008, and he currently works in 11 cities.
Pedophilia cannot be cured
Pedophilia is a disease, whose official name sounds like “sexual disorder aimed at children.” Pedophilia can be viewed as a sexual orientation. Depending on who it is. If you ask the pedophile, the name doesn’t matter.
“It’s an expression. Why not,” says Nestore.
It is, however, a substantial difference. The cause of the disease can be determined. The disease is preventable and can be cured. Sexual orientation is quite stable and innate characteristic.
Therapist Nissinen Jussi (Jussi Nissinen) has long worked with pedophiles and representatives of various sexual minorities. Nissinen one of the founders of Seta. He also worked as Director for organizational issues of the Foundation Sexpo. Nissinen remembers his first encounter with a pedophile in the 1980s. Then, in the office of the Finnish human rights organization sexual minorities Seta came a middle-aged man and said that he’s a pedophile. According to him, he never hurt the child.
“Now, when you homosexuals who defended their rights here in Finland, can you do anything to protect my rights?” − the man asked.
Pedophilia and homosexuality are traditionally combined. Sexual minorities, I think the topic is very sensitive and not subject to interference. Especially homosexuals and bisexuals are afraid of the label “pedophile”. Seta did not address this issue, but Nissinen engaged them in person. He is working with pedophiles as a psychotherapist for 15 years.
According to Nissinen, pedophilia is impossible to wring out of the man. On the other hand, sexual interests can be expanded in such a way that a pedophile will be able to experience the feelings of adults.
After five years of therapy, he managed to learn to show interest and to adults. A short time he met with a man and wants to ever he had a permanent relationship. But fantasies against children still present in everyday life Timo. He says he feels shame from it, but hopes that they will not be reflected in his behavior.
Timo doesn’t know why he likes it little boys.
“Probably because they are so beautiful and sexually attractive. Just like I can’t say why I like coffee or ice cream”.
Nestori, recalls an occasion from his childhood when he became an object of interest of adult men. According to Nestore, he barely remembers what happened.
“I don’t know whether it has affected what I’ve become like this.”
“The risk to commit a sexual crime against a child, to some extent, increases if in childhood a child has been sexually abused. But the rape victim becomes a rapist automatically,” says Jussi Nissinen.
“Often young victims of sexual violence suffer due to the fact that they are treated as future pedophiles”.
Pedophiles are less than half the perpetrators of violence against children. What causes a person with normal orientation to hurt the baby? According to Nissinen, the decision to commit violence is a sum of many factors.
“This can be for mental health problems, drugs or a desire to punish the spouse. In many cases of incest we are not talking about pedophilia, is another reason. For some it’s a new experience that feels safe with a child than with an adult. Such people are in some sense similar to children”.
A pedophile does not dare to trust even their loved ones
According to police, Timo and Nestori committing offences of a sexual nature. However, this does not necessarily mean that none of them touched the child, because the most part of sexual offenses against minors to the police not reported.
The police of Finland report annually more than a thousand cases of violence against children. On most sex crimes are not reported.
According to the reports of the police, published in 2014, the police received information only about a quarter of all sexual offences of a sexual nature, whether on adults or on children.
Crimes against a child, often go unnoticed, because small children are often unable to tell what had happened.
According to Nissinen, the most successful cases of violence can be prevented if the time to offer the pedophile preventive treatment or to create such environment where it would be easy to talk to. On this subject we need to talk seriously with children and young people.
“In schools about pedophiles spoken of as an external threat, but in the classroom may be the person who says the same line”.
According to Nissinen, every pedophile with a sense of responsibility, have to tell about their orientation, at least one person who is not himself a pedophile.
“If a person is interested in children, begins to pose a threat to them, well, next to him were the people who could prevent the crime.”
Timo and Nestori talked about their inclinations only to the therapist and journalists, who are obliged to maintain confidentiality and not to disclose the source of information. In this article, the identity of the narrators is also not disclosed.
Story friends about the problem would require creating an environment in which the word “pedophile” would not be criticized character. According to Nestore, it’s impossible. Timo is more optimistic.
“I would like to Express one wish. When we talk about pedophiles, we need to be clear whether we’re talking about rapists or people with a different orientation, which may suffer from this. I hope that in my lifetime the change will happen.”
