What Muslim women want in bed, and why the guidance for Halal sex is good

This week a new book called “Muslim teaching on sexual relationships: Halal guide for amazing sex” (The Sex Muslimah Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex), which shocked the British media. The author gives Frank advice on a variety of issues — from kissing and to women’s positions during sexual intercourse.

Muslim women have sex too, and women all over the world. Didn’t you know? But, it seems that some Muslims are shocking candid conversations on this topic.

The author wrote his book under the pseudonym Umm Muladhar, wishing to remain unknown. They say that this is the first textbook on Halal sex for women. Someone went even further, calling the book a Muslim response to the novel “morning glory.”

Muslims can definitely say that they skillfully mastered the art of reproduction. In the end, in the Muslim countries have the youngest population and highest birth rate. So to understand this business is not difficult, right?

Of course, the action itself and get pleasure from it — are two different things. Who, if not us, women, know about this?

The secret of the female orgasm is a long and complicated history. Opinions about him were very different. If in the 13th century believed that orgasm is necessary for procreation, in the Victorian age with its excessive modesty, it was considered that we women, while Patriotic act of self-sacrifice must lie there and think of England. And in 1960-e years, women have rediscovered the pleasure of sex. Then came the TV series “Sex and the city”, which — my God! women sit and talk about sex. And they even like it.

In many Muslim cultures the same patterns as in the history of the world of sex, pleasure and female pleasure. During the time of prophet Muhammad about sex and sexual pleasure openly talked, and it was considered an integral part of married life. In fact, a Muslim woman may divorce her husband if he doesn’t have sex with her some time and not implementing it right. Many famous Muslim thinkers wrote detailed treatises on the physical and spiritual joys of sex, which get both men and women.

That’s why the practice of female genital mutilation under the pretext of containment of sexuality is not only terrible from a physical point of view, but also contrary to the very spirit of Islamic attitudes towards sex. Sex is something that should enjoy men and women. In fact, Islamic teachings reject the hypocrisy and modesty in physical pleasures.

However, the topic of sex and the female body in General was kind of taboo in many Muslim circles. Where did this feeling of shame from sex, the feeling of dirt and the desire to limit one of the greatest human pleasures, and that honours the Muslim tradition?

Good question. Perhaps this is due to the suppression of women’s rights, their freedoms and a heartbreaking denial of human value. Some people claim that in Muslim thinking has penetrated the South Asian culture, an applicant for the mantle of religious mentoring. Maybe it’s the legacy of the European colonial past, when sex was considered something dirty, filthy and shameful.

In Islam there is no concept of original sin, no idea of what a woman is originally the evil temptress. It is worth remembering how shocked was the European colonialists who first came to the Muslim world. They believed local women extravagant and even indecent, because sex there was a much more open topic.

Whatever the reason for today’s attitudes towards sex in some circles, this attitude needs to change. Every woman has a right to sexual pleasure, and to Muslim women too.

Sometimes sex just not saying because it is considered dirty and shameful thing, which do not “decent” Muslim. Of course, this is totally untrue. But that Muslim women sometimes lack knowledge, awareness and confidence in the bedroom. Or worse, because of their ignorance, they may be vulnerable and do something I don’t want to participate, but because of self-doubt can remain silent, not talking about what they want.

For this reason, “Islamic instruction in sexual relations: Halal guide for amazing sex” is a step in the right direction, allowing to destroy myths and to give Muslim women more confidence. If Muslim women do not enjoy fully their sexual potential, any benefits that could help them to get maximum enjoyment, should be encouraged.

For today’s young Muslim women it’s important that it’s written for a modern audience in a universal language that relates to sex.

This literary intervention acquires a special power at the crossroads of cultures, because the author belongs to a minority and is a British Muslim, and also because today on the rise Islamophobia and vulgar male chauvinism.

Today, among women an increasing number of psychosexual disorders, and so they need any support.

In particular, the point of view of Islamic teachings and open attitude to sex can give a woman more freedom and confidence in communicating with their sex partner.

We must avoid the mistake of diminishing the desire of Muslim women to the best sex. Think about it all women, and all want to be confident. Women’s magazines and their enticing headlines (“10 ways to achieve pleasure or How to help him find your G-spot”) continues to attract the attention of women of different generations.

But along with that we, women, continue to face problems with his own sexuality. We don’t have enough self-confidence to enjoy sex on your own terms, as we like it. And this occurs against the backdrop of well-established ideas about sexuality, pornification companies and uncertainty in the question of what actually should we do in bed.

Perhaps my favorite part in the book “Shock: the Muslim women, too, need instruction on sex.” (Shock: Muslim women are also in need of sexual guidance!) is the reaction of the men. They need a book to give pleasure to their wives. And we as women need this to be happy.

Shelina Janmohamed — author of the book “Generation M. Young Muslim women are changing the world” (Generation M: Young Muslims Changing the World).